Q. Lately my wonderful beautiful daughter of 15 years has been seeing someone without our knowledge. The situation is getting out of hand because it looks like she is willing to defy all what we tell her not to do to be with this person. I took her phone, iPhone, ipod, computer but yet she has her ways of getting in touch with this person. We want her to finish college and get a job, but she says they love each other. I am not sure what to do at this point in our lives.
A. There have been a number of queries about being a parent lately from those who pose questions and from this being who channels my messages. Parents love and care about their children and always want the best for them.
There are at least 2 previous posts on this blog about being a parent that I would recommend reading and I have some comments specific to your situation.
It seems that you have a longing for your daughter to have a certain kind of life that you have decided that you want her to lead. This is the case for almost every parent on the planet. They want what they think is best for their children. The problem arises when what the parent wants does not match what the child wants.
This throws a parent into worry for you begin to imagine a horrible future for your child based on what has happened in the past. If you look deeply, you will likely discover that what you do not want for your child in the future is related to something that happened to you that caused pain and you want to do what you can to avoid your child having to experience similar pain.
So great is the love of a parent that they become willing to go to any length to keep their children from feeling pain and so they take action as if they could stop this from happening.
As humans in physical form, learning about pain and walking through difficult circumstances is part of the package and the way that most of you have chosen to learn valuable lessons to enhance your life. This is what your child is doing. Learning what she needs to learn about the world and herself through this experience and you are one of her best teachers.
As she is learning, so is this an opportunity for you to learn. One of the keys to feeling more at peace is to heal that which is within self that causes you to have such a fear of her making the wrong decision and feeling pain. When you spend some time looking within at your own past experiences and fears and do what you can to alter this, you will find that this scenario is less likely to play out in your life with your daughter.
Focus on the strengths that you know she has and the lessons you have taught her about being an empowered young woman who is trusted to learn lessons as she has set them up for herself.
That is not to say that you need stand back and do nothing for that is furthest from the truth, perhaps what you could do is change your tactic and focus on the love and concern that you have for her. Share your fears and let her know about the pain that was felt in your life and how you love her enough to want her avoid potential pain.
And remind her that she is able to make good decisions, she is a beloved child, loved so much by her mother that she tries to help in the best way she knows how. And remind her that there are potential consequences to her actions.
There is a saying, “what your resist, persists” and this may be the truth in this case. Instead of resisting her decisions, remind her that she is a valuable loved young woman who deserves all the best that the world has to offer her.
Being a mother can be both a wondrous and challenging journey involving the greatest love and the greatest pain that humans may feel. You are doing the best that you can. Include your daughter in your prayers and ask that God and myself, Mary walk with her each day. We will walk beside her and love & guide her as well.
Mary, your divine mother