I you’ve been following this blog, many of you are aware that the energy changes this year had me out flat and in bed for weeks on end with little connection to my guides and angels. It’s been a difficult time and I appreciate all of the support that has been offered to me as I walk on this spiritual journey.
I can only describe today as a WOW day. It started on Tuesday. I woke up in the morning with energy feeling like I wanted to be doing something. I’ve only had a handful of those days since I left my job on stress leave last April. It really felt like someone flipped the switch in my brain and I was once again lit up. And the best news, the light has been getting brighter all week.
And today. WOW! I had the good fortune of being able to attend a Tarot workshop facilitated by James Wells
that was hosted by my favorite psychic and new friend Marilyn Shannon
Check out their work. They are both amazing, gifted tarot readers and so much more. They both are definitely coworkers with God at their sides when they do their work.
Anyways, enough commercials. The workshop today was amazing and it opened my eyes and heart to so much. Until yesterday I was unable to attend and then I got a phone call from my daughter telling me that our annual outing to our favorite craft show had been canceled due to the school board not letting anyone use the school because of H1N1 flu. So, I was free to go the the workshop and there was still space available.
Now, I must admit that I went to the workshop with a bit of a chip on my shoulder about Tarot cards. I grew up being influenced by very fundamental Christian principles and was taught that the Tarot was of the devil and other such nonsense that some part of me still believed to be true. My only other exposure to Tarot was what I saw on the movies and my readings with Marilyn (which were amazing by the way- she works over the phone)
Part of wanting to go was to get to understand Tarot cards and to challenge this old childhood belief. Well it did not take long before I realized how the cards came to be (a game like regular playing cards) and that they indeed are another tool through which God and our higher selves share information with us to help improve our lives. Another switch got flipped on and I have a new belief.
The WOW part is that one of my greatest challenges right now is getting over the idea that I’m kind of weird and crazy because dead people and angels speak to me and I see things that other people don’t see. Also, my Christian teaching also led me to believe that having these gifts were like being the antiChrist or some other such evil thing.
Some of that belief also shifted today. I can now see that my gifts are spiritual gifts and it is okay to let people know that I have them. There are only a handful of people around me that know about these gifts and part of writing a blog was to come out of the closet in an anonymous way. I’ve always feared persecution – something equal to being burnt at the stake, drawn and quartered, thrown to the lions, hung on a cross or some other equally painful outcome, like being shunned by others.
I’m not sure how and I’m not sure when, but sometime during the day, I started to let go of most of this. I now accept my gifts as gifts that can be used to help people and that I can be loved and accepted because I have these gifts. The Tarot card exercises that we did, gave me so many deep insights. Lightbulbs kept flashing all day.
Now, I need to work on the few remaining levels of these beliefs and clear them up and then focus on the I’m wierd and crazy beliefs.
These seem a bit harder for me to get over because of my life experiences over the past 20+ years. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression in the late 80’s and have taken psychiatric medication ever since. In spite of the hospitalizations, and all of the really hurtful things that happened as a person who was diagnosed with a mental illness, I managed to get myself together enough to graduate from university and get a job in the mental health system where I worked for almost 15 years in a variety of jobs, mostly doing advocacy work and counselling.
Now, it is a challenge to work in a health care system with coworkers, most of whom believe that if you hear voices and see visions that others don’t see, you must be psychotic. And believe me, if you think the stigma about people with a mental illness is bad in the general public, just trying to work in the system when most of your coworkers know that you have experienced a mental illness. I chose to be open about it as a way to advocate for change and educate people, but is sure has not been easy. In our own agency, many other staff members wanted to talk to me about their own challenges with mental illness and every one made me promise that I would never tell anyone else. That is stigma.
I have had to hide my gifts at work. I’d often see people’s guides and angels and they’d be chatting up a storm in my ear, but I was not allowed to tell them anything. Partly because of the guidelines I had to follow in my conselling and partly because I was afraid to let anyone know that I might be psychotic (as I defined it at times)
I’m sure that stuffing my gifts for so long and not letting my light shine is part of what led to work burn out, which I now see as one of the greatest gifts that I was ever given. I now have the time and the motivation to fully heal after more than 20 years of being only partially alive.
Woah – information overload, but I needed to put that out there. I learned to day that one of my actions that will lead me to health is to be and live as the authentic me. I’ve experienced challenges in my life – but who hasn’t. Those challenges are what led me to gather many wonderful healing tools and a depth of wisdom that makes my university courses look like pre-school courses. My greatest learning has come out of my most challenging experiences. I have an uncanny ability to connect to people in pain because I have way too many years of training in what pain is and how to cope with it.
I’ll end here. I’m having a WOW day and just wanted to celebrate by honoring my life experiences and give you some links to some amazing people who are doing God’s work.