I’ve spent so much of my life as a human “doing”, trying to define myself based on what I do. As a human “doing”, I have not been very successful in getting to know the real me that hides behind all that I have been doing to show the world and to show myself who I am.I’ve realized this week that “doing” will never help me to find out who I really am. Only by “being” can I know my true self.
Just over a week ago, I had a session with an energy healer who took me on a shamanic journey to connect with the real me, to call my soul back. It was an amazing experience that took me on an inner journey using guided imagery. Immediately after the session was done, I felt a shift, but it was not at all what I expected.
I woke up very late the next day and for the past 10 days, I have had very little energy and felt the need for frequent naps and 10 – 12 hours of sleep each night. Along with that, I have had very little interest in doing anything which is not usual for me. I’m usually doing something, reading, learning, planning and on the computer for part of every day. I usually like to get out and do things, almost anything, but that has just not interested me lately.
I checked in with Mary about what was going on and found out that there have been some energy shifts again which is written about in the last message I posted. She perfectly described what I’ve been experiencing, but the depth of this energy shift was beyond anything I’ve experienced so far.
I asked again today for more information about what was going on with me and learned that the shamanic healing work I did last week combined with the energy surge led to a huge energy shift. The healing removed layers of darkness which made way for a bigger download of light. This seems to have triggered the fatigue and lack of interest in anything.
I also learned that this experience is also helping me to learn what it is like to be a human “being” instead of a human “doing”. I have had to let go of doing almost everything for a while to free up time and space to just be. It has been a very new experience for me, but also kind of scary.
Feeling like I don’t want to do anything is a feature of depression that I have felt over the years when symptoms increase and I was concerned that I was getting ill again, but while this has been similar in some ways, it is also very different.
It feels freeing to not be placing any demands on myself to do this and do that, to keep busy and be productive. I’ve been spending time just being, sitting out on my deck listening to the birds and water flowing in our pond. Sitting and playing with my cats, just enjoying their company. Just sitting in silence, being with myself and connecting to the still quiet place within me that I had never experienced before.
I get so tempted to get back into “doing” but my guides gently remind me that this is a time of healing and learning and my work for right now is to rest, relax and rejuvenate.
I’ve been fighting this for most of the past week or so, feeling frustrated with my body for not doing what I wanted it to do, but today, I finally got the message loud and clear. Just BE, for now.
With this awareness today, I have found a place of acceptance and peace that is new for me. It’s opened me to experiences like having a close heart connection with my newly adopted, extremely affectionate orange cat. I’ve sat and watched the seed keys falling out of our tree in awe of the knowledge that each of these little seeds holds the blueprint and potential to grow into one of the big trees that we have on our property. I’ve watched the birds and squirrels in our yard at play, just being who they are without any particular plans for the day.
I’m grateful to have been given the opportunity to learn to be in the moment and just be in the world for now as my body heals and my energy shifts. It does feel like spending time at a spa, of a different sort.