Just caught on today what I was unconsciously doing when I found myself on the couch not wanting to do anything again. I had neglected to pick up my medication from the pharmacy earlier in the week and realized today that I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms from the medication I’ve been taking for many years to cope with depression.
This started with the events of the past 2 weeks with the information I was given, the energy download which I think was a kundalini awakening experience. Then it moved into feeling confused about my business, my future, what I should be doing. And then my guides just kept telling me to trust – something that is not easy for me to do – in fact, it is my core life lesson.
Not having a clear future plan was extremely unsettling for me and brought a lot of my “stuff” to the surface – the insecurity, the fear, the doubt, the anxiety and even moments of panic. That’s what my week has been filled with – many uncomfortable feelings triggered by being faced once again with the unknown which is the scariest thing I know of.
So once again to cope with the emotional mess, I went into sabotage mode, just happening to forget to pick up my meds, just feeling too tired to go out of the house, and not feeling motivated to do anything. I was allowing myself to slip back into my comfortable place of depression where I can hide out, feel numb and do nothing – which feels really safe to me.
But I caught the pattern quickly this time and have chosen to pick myself up again, face the fears and get on with life and whatever work I’m guided to do each day. I don’t have a clear plan anymore and just have to trust that if I keep putting one foot in front of the other following my inner guidance, I will end up where I’m supposed to be.
I am learning to trust that there is a divine plan and that my logical, rational mind’s ideas about what to do are not always what is the highest path for my soul.
So after being derailed for a few days, I’m back on track. Still feeling like crap, but more willing to trust that my guides are right and that this is just a sort of emotional housecleaning that I’m going through and it will end soon.
So, I’m off to get ready to head into town for my first day out of the house in a week, off into the unknown to discover what comes next.