I have not posted much for the past 3 months. I’ve been feeling YUCK and was finding it so difficult to do anything. Over the past few days, I have been feeling very different. It’s like I am finally able to climb out of the pit of hell I had fallen in.
Since the end of December living has been such a struggle. I was concerned that my old adversary – depression – had come back. I was feeling something similar to depression and yet different in many ways. I have found it difficult to describe what was going on because it was so unusual I could not even find words to explain.
That was part of the problem. My brain was in a fog and it was so difficult to find the words to explain anything, like part of my brain just shut down. I was feeling unmotivated, exhausted, uncaring about anything and it was almost impossible to do anything.
On top of this, it was like I was disconnected from my own life. I had spent months planning to start a business and it felt like that planning had been done by someone else, like I had read about it in a book instead of having the actual experience. Most of my memories felt that way. This was creepy.
My connection to my intuition and spirit guides was shut down for most of the time. I could just not tune in when I wanted to and felt very alone much of the time. When I did tune it, it felt very different – like the information was coming from inside of my brain instead of coming from somewhere else. I was told by my guide that this is because I am merging with my higher self and the energy of the spirit beings who work with me. This, I don’t understand but it explains why it feels so different.
I was having very strong feelings happen that seemed to be unrelated to anything that was happening in my life. I was overly emotional about things that usually would not bother me. My emotions were out of control and these were not the nice feelings but ones like fear, anger, impatience, frustration, hopelessness, despair and such. It was so hard to be with these feelings for days at a time. Many days I just wanted to give up and prayed to be allowed to leave this life and go back to spirit.
And then there were the physical challenges – body pain that would randomly happen anywhere in my body, dizziness, stiff joints, headaches, exhaustion and just feeling like I had the flu without actually having the flu.
I just could not get myself doing much and was forced into being. It’s interesting that messages from the Lady of the Sun and other writers have talked about this being the time to be rather than do. I spent most of the winter just reading and watching TV and sometimes even changing the channel took too much effort. This felt like depression, but not quite the same.
I’ve been miserable, in hiding, disconnected from people and very shut down since the end of December. I feel bad that I have not been able to do readings, work with people or post messages during this time, but I was just not functioning well enough to do this. It’s been a really challenging time but…..
I went out on Saturday with my hubby to our local Casino. About every couple of months we go there to play the one and two cent games. This time, I had so much fun – a feeling that I was starting to believe would never come back again.
Since then, every day has been better than the one before. I have my ability to do things back again. Not quite at full speed ahead, but so much better than it’s been for a long time. I can feel good feelings like love, joy and happiness this week. Not all of the time, but for periods of time, I’m feeling really good.
Kind of feels like my light switch got turned back on this week, but it’s more like having a dimmer switch that is slowly bringing back light into my life. I am so relieved to feel alive once again. Not yet 100% but so, so, so much better.
I wonder if the energy shift that is related to the mayan calendar has something to do with my remarkable recovery from the pit of hell. The last post on this blog about the ninth wave explains more about this.
Whatever is causing this positive shift in how I feel and function doesn’t really matter to me and I don’t really understand the details about the change that so many seem to be going through. I just know that something is going on and is affecting people all around the world. I am just so grateful to be walking back into the light and my life.
Till next time…..