On Monday I had a meeting about going back to work. I start on Aug 9th. I have such mixed feelings about this, but every time I ask, I am told that this is where I need to be – for now, that this job will act as a bridge to the next phase of my work, my business and my new life.
I had a couple of rough days before the meeting, my mind doing what it does so well – anticipating the worst. But it was not like that at all. This really made me aware of how much I let my thoughts run- and most often to the worst possible outcome. This is a habit I am working on changing.
Before the meeting, I asked to speak to the rehab worker that had been assigned to me as part of my back to work plan. I thought this was pretty unnecessary and ironic to hire someone to do the same kind of job that I had been doing for the past 8 years, but that’s the rules.
I had been assigned another worker many months ago, but when it got to the point where I would not pick up the phone when I saw her name in caller id, I knew that our working relationship was not a healthy one. Sometimes people just don’t match and this was the case. So I did something that the old me would never have done, I asked to be assigned another worker.
I met with this new guy an hour before the meeting at work just to get to know each other before we went into the meeting. Until that day, we had only chatted briefly on the phone. What an unexpected surprise that was.
In my new life as a person who no longer hides behind a mask, I started telling him about all of the work I had been doing to heal and what I had been studying – like energy work, soul realignment, hand analysis and so on. In the past, I would never have talked about this stuff, but it all flowed so naturally and his reaction was a pleasant surprise – he was fascinated and wanted to know more. I even did a quick hand analysis reading for him.
We never did talk about work related issues, but I felt so good going into the actual meeting about return to work, which went really well.
The only downside of this back to work plan is that my part time hours will be spread out over 4 days per week. I must say that I had a pretty strong reaction to this news. I am so used to having days to myself that this will be a real shift. I’ve been like a hermit for the past year and I like my privacy & being at home.
And the challenge for me is that I have a half hour drive to work and I travel with my hubby to town in the morning and home again after 4:30. This leaves me stuck in town after my shift is done at 1 pm. I was not a happy camper when I first found this out.
After pouting for a day or so, I started to look at this as an opportunity rather than an inconvenience. Amazing how that shift in thinking made everything feel so much better.
I’ll just take my laptop computer, my work and my books and hang out in the library, a wonderful comfortable place to be. Between that and Starbucks, I will have a portable office and can still get my business stuff done.
Besides that back to work drama that I created for myself, I’ve been feeling great one minute and like crawling in a hole the next. My body has been doing strange things which are distressing and uncomfortable, like my heart skipping beats to the point I feel dizzy and my stomach not being happy digesting most of what I’m eating. Oh the life of a roller coaster rider.
Lauren’s last post talk about what is going on, so I know it’s not just me having a challenging week and I know I’ll get through this – again.
The up side of the week is that I have been developing an open communciation channel with the lady of the sun as I prefer to call her. I’ve been getting messages for myself most days this week and she has told me something about the communication work I will be doing on her behalf. Our work together is beginning, but first….
I’m taking a few days off to visit my brother and his family at their cottage (which is fancier than our home), so it will be like spending time at a luxury resort with really good company. And even though it will be painful for me, I am leaving my computer at home. I expect to have a couple of days of withdrawal and hundreds of emails when I return, but I’m taking a break.
I expect that by the time I return from my holiday, I will have worked through the fear that I have about being the spokesperson for the lady of the sun. It feels like such an honour and I feel so unworthy, but I’m getting help with that distorted thought.